Interests:This will not be a ... "so today i did this, and then i did that, and then he said this, but i was like, no waaayyyy" kind of xanga. If you wanna kno what he said and what she said...then, ask me. Otherwise...ttyl
I think as we get older, our parents begin to reveal more about themselves to us. Maybe because they know that it's no longer necessary for them to be the steadfast elders; we're too smart for that now. Now they are more comfortable to show how they really feel, or what they really think. Recent events have shown this to me quite drastically, although over the last couple years I've definitely sensed a change. Maybe because I'm not home as often, maybe because we don't get to talk as much as before, or maybe because they're aging, but I'm starting to see a side of my parents that I was always "too young" or naive to see/understand. The vulnerable side.
Retracting my teen years. Keep in mind, I'm writing as someone who was a teenager once too, full of angst and what I thought at the time, wisdom, so I'm not saying any of this condescendingly to those who are teens now. But this is definitely true, when we were younger, we always felt that our parents didn't understand us. However, I'm starting to see that, it is US who never really understood THEM. We always gave ourselves that excuse that, the generational and cultural gap was too big. But really, no age and culture difference can change the fact that our parents when they were our age, felt love, anger, fear, and sorrow. And even now, just as human beings, they continue to feel those things, but do their best to hide it from us because they are our parents, and must be strong. I feel bad for not seeing it earlier, but our parents have their own lives too. We get caught up in our day to day, he said-she said gossip, and personal agendas/aspirations...but have you ever thought, your parents have that too. Why would they not? I think once we realize this, it greatly humanize our folks, and actually, doesn't it make you more curious about them and what they're feeling/thinking? Maybe not. Maybe your moms and dads are really open and talk a lot, but mine...I can tell there's a lot that they keep inside, to protect us, or themselves. The burden of truth. But now, they're telling me more, treating me as an equal, and on one hand it's eye-opening, but on the other hand, it's a burden. I mean, for so long, they were the ones that sacrificed and took care of us. Poked and prodded to know how we were and how we felt...and now the tables are turning. We have to learn to care for them, to be worried about them...and all this new information about their pasts and presents is a huge load of information and emotions I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with, because unfortunately, the stuff they keep from us, usually isn't the cheery stuff, but instead quite heavy. I could go on a lot longer about this, because it's been on my mind for some time now, but I guess to sum it up...our parents are complicated people. They have secrets, they have desires, they have failures and fears, they have dreams that they had to give up. My parents are definitely like this as I'm discovering and it's hitting me hard. I want them to be happy. I just want them to be happy. Give your folks a second thought, they deserve it; it wasn't easy raising us.
Dreaming for them. I'll leave w/ this song. It's called "Dreams" by an artist named Sam Geunjin Kang. (*plug, get Sam's album, it's really good). I've been a fan of his for several months now, and this song definitely translates what I'm feeling for mom and dad into music. Everytime I get to the third verse, I'm moved listening to the words.
Verse 3 starts at 2:37 (Please listen and read the lyrics) And mama never had to worry about the life she had Found a place in the world to live the life she planned And the hands of my father once bruised and torn No scars for the man like he was reborn Cause he never gave up and with hell they paid But in this place they were caught in a heavenly way Shake the Shikae cut up all the fruit to eat With some Anju grab a couple beers to drink And my mama felt good kicking back this time Cause she was free finally got a little peace in her mind And my father sat talking to his father that died Cause in this place everyone that I loved was alive, but this time He finally found the words to say As tears fell from the sky rain was hitting his face Cause in this place you could never be too late Cause in this place you could clean up all the messes you made Imagine that So I fell into the thoughts of my soul Dreams came rushing like the tingles of hope If I had one thing that could somehow come true It’s to show you the dreams that I’ve been dreaming for you
It's been awhile since I've posted here. Sorry for neglecting, there are just too many areas that need updating. Most of my attention goes to the Wong Fu Blog and my Twitter. Find me there!
Since the last post, it's been a whirlwind of stuff going on. The ISA concert we threw was in March and a huge success. Now we're on tour for the rest of April. I have a fairly large pimple growing on my nose, the day before one of our biggest events. sigh. I really thought that after high school I wouldn't have to deal with this anymore. S'great to know puberty is still working it's magic at 24. FML
I'm sure you didn't really care to know that... but for everything else check out these links. Follow me on Twitter! twitter.com/philipwang Check out our Spring Tour schedule HERE. We might be coming to a university near you. Watch the ISA recap video below.
I realized tonight that I've never acknowledged this before...but just so you know...I do read all the comments that are left here. Since the beginning. I was reading some past entries and going through the comments and it really hit me how lucky I am to have the support and encouragement of so many ppl that have never met me but somehow feel connected through my work or writing (along with some friends who are still subscribed to me and helping me keep xanga alive...haha. are you guys still there?)
When we were younger I think that we were given more opportunities to receive and give written words or encouragement or appreciation (Vday cards in elementary school, cards to your friends, notes you pass to your gfs or bfs, that sort of thing). As we get older, it's less likely for that to happen...who has time to write "feelings"? But the written word is so powerful. It physically lasts and is not as easily forgotten as spoken words.
These days the secret notes and spiderman vday cards are gone...but I get txt on a monitor. And you'd be surprised how some pixels on a computer screen from ppl I don't even know can make such a difference. So I just wanted to let you know, those who are reading, that your warm words go a long way. More than you know. I don't know why I deserve such kindness. <embrace> Thank you. <embrace tighter> thank you.
For that don't check our actual website...we released Part 3 of "Up In Da Club" yesterday. Totally on time too. Anyway, in this episode Evan gets a dance lesson from Lotus. I played Lotus... and yeah, I used to be a dancer.
I wasn't like Lotus, I swear...I wasn't "cool" enough to be like him, and definitely wasn't a good enough dancer to be all cocky about it, but yes, when I was in college I was on a hip hop dance team called "Ascension". I was on it all four years of school, definitely learned a lot, definitely shaped my time in college, definitely had a lot of fun. Since then though, I haven't danced at all, and I do miss it a lot. Even worse, I've definitely lost a few steps and wouldn't be able to keep up with all the crazy awesome dancersout there these days. There were a lot of camera tricks and special effects used in the new short to make it look like I sorta knew what I was doing. Ascension was a great team. We competed, did shows, made music videos. Wes and Ted even got involved! They were honorary members. The team is still there at UCSD today, so lookout for them if you ever go. Sigh to think I used to be able to move like this... (see if you can spot me)
The opening picture is from this performance in 2006. Anyway, enough showing off and reminiscing about the glory dayz. I think it's really because I do miss it. I sometimes think it'd be really fun to teach a class around here. Nothing crazy since I'm not "hip wit it" anymore, but beginner stuff? Anyone wanna sign up? I promise I won't be like Lotus.
Starting in middle school, my dad used to always say to me "Don't get too excited." He would say it when I did something noteworthy, or achieved something. Basically, the nice way of say "What's the big deal? So what?". With his limited english vocab and lack of colloquial knowledge, this is how he communicated that. I guess it's normal for parents to push you when you're younger, and expect a lot out of you, so my father would definitely always keep me grounded by saying "Don't get too excited", like...don't be so proud of this one thing, there's more you need to do. I'd like to think that the other meaning was also a way to calm me down. Often times, when there's a lot going on in your life, or it seems like something is super urgent and "omgtheworldisgonnaendif..." we tend not to think straight and act irrationally. "Don't get too excited" = don't psyche yourself out, chill.
With that long backstory said...it is the end of another year. Technically, the second full calendar year that I've been out of school and here in LA working on Wong Fu Productions. Nowadays, the most pressure does not come from my parents, but from myself, and I'm constantly contemplating...am I doing enough? I look back on the last 12 months and, only if I look closely, do I realize that yeah...a lot happened. Two nationwide tours, throwing a 1200 audience concert, relaunching our apparel brand, going to France to partake in the Cannes filmfest, going to Taiwan and HK, creating 13 new short films/mvs, and..other stuff- but- then I stop, and I remember what my dad said, "Don't get too excited." sigh... And I know he's right. There's still so much to do, such a long and difficult road ahead and we just stepped on. So while I hope I didn't sound arrogant with that list, yes, a lot has been accomplished... but there is more.
Was it enough? I hope so. I don't think I could've physically done anymore. Am I done? Of course not. The other side could ask, "Was it too much?" That can be argued. I don't want my life to be all about work, I don't want to miss out on certain things or people...but I think this year I did fail in a sense that maybe I could've spent more time in other areas, and for some other people. Technically this could be a round of "I'm sorry's" rather than "thanks. With 2009 starting tomorrow (a projected very very busy year), I'm torn between the part of me that says "more more more" and the part that says "slow down". I guess we'll see what happens, and if at the end of 2009, I can be satisfied with what I did and didn't do.
And while I've been trying to figure out that balance, I am remind of the wonderful people who have been by my side this year. The people who have helped keep me sane, keep me motivated, inspired, and focused. To these special ones, like '05, '06, and '07, here's '08's round of earnest 'thank yous'.
First, thank you to all the fans and supporters of Wong Fu Productions around the world. We wouldn't be anywhere without you. Thank you Jessica for helping to bring life to our "office". Thank you Gracie for sharing your exuberance with us. Thank you Janet for your funny faces. Thank you Eric for introducing us to a different world that we will someday be a part of; thank you for believing in us and doing all that you could. Thank you Susan for listening to me even when I got loud. I'm so glad we've gotten closer this year. Thank you Carmen slugging it out in this industry with us. Thank you Mimi for your talent and your travels; hopefully we can join you someday. Thank you Brian for also pursuing your passion; makes us feel a little less foolish. Thank you Tom for grinding with us and hooking it up whenever and wherever. Thank you FM and Linda for having confidence in us. Thank you Nita for keeping me close when I gave you no reason to. Thank you Fiona for going to Chiles w/ me, always. Thank you Allen for the dolly; it was so much more than just a dolly. Thank you Tim and Henry for helping me look forward to the upper 20s. Thank you Jesse for making all these tweaks that Wes and I can't even hear. Thank you Mel for making me feel like no time has passed at all and it's still 2003; and for always chatting at work. Thank you Jeh for saving lives, literally. Thank you Wes and Ted for another year of hardwork, hardly playing, and "har har" laughs. I really believe we can do great things and though we don't say it often, I'm glad to be here w/ you both and I'm proud of us.
ya kno, I often sarcastically whine that I'm all alone here...but the reality is I'm really blessed to have you all, either physically close, or in spirit. Thank you. I don't make new year's resolutions- I make end of the year conclusions. And that's that for 2008. 2009 is for you...and you, and you, and you...
